Ode to Caffeine

When did I become a caffeine junkie? How does this sort of thing happen? It wasn’t always this way…I could swear I used to have the ability to hold my eyelids open without a jolt of electricity running through my veins.

Okay, so I don’t actually do the hard stuff…coffee, espresso, cappuccino…they’ve never been my cup of tea. As a matter of fact, tea has never really been my cup of tea. For those of you who can stomach the bitter taste of coffee in order to get your caffeine fix, I salute you. Me?…I’m strictly into diet soda. Yep, that’s right…I like a little aspartame mixed in with my caffeine. Just in case the one alone was not enough to cause some dread disease. I figure I might as well give my body a medley of potentially deadly chemicals…that perfect storm of carcinogens and stimulants that will probably someday be discovered to cause spontaneous combustion…or bizarre genetic mutations…or maybe just screw up my sleep enough to make me a raging lunatic. Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of drinking the caffeine to stay awake in the first place? Apparently not in my opinion. I’ll worry about my screwed up sleep later. Right now I need to stay awake…

For the record, I know the stuff is terrible for me. And I really do try my darnedest to hold it to just a few a day. I’ve even gone for stretches with none at all. (Gasp! I know, I actually survived.) And I promise I’ll keep trying to set them aside for good. Starting tomorrow…

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