I Didn’t Think I Knew That Many Expletives (or “Why I THOUGHT I loved my on-demand water heater”)

I’ll try to be brief, but a simple tweet just wouldn’t suffice.

It was 22 degrees outside this morning.  I have less than zero cold tolerance.

I was happily showering along in my nice, hot water—head full of shampoo, body lathered with soap—when the overhead light suddenly went out.  “Hmm, that’s a bummer,” thought I.  “Guess we’ll have to change another light bulb today.” Silly me…Light bulbs use electricity—as do on-demand water heaters (Yes, even the gas ones).

Approximately 4.2 seconds later, I was very abruptly doused with the most unholy torrent of liquid ice that only Satan himself could have conjured.  And I guarantee the Prince of Darkness wasn’t prepared for the string of obscenities that left my mouth.  Mercifully, my children were out of earshot (At least I think so…It’s quite possible my screams could be heard halfway across the globe).

I clenched my teeth and hosed off faster than I’ve ever bathed in all my life.  (Even in the days as a kid when I thought that just getting my body wet would dupe my parents into thinking I’d actually taken the time to use soap.)  I’m pretty sure I still have a film of soap and shampoo coating my hair and body; but at this point, I’m just hoping it somehow seals in some body heat and protects me from fatal hypothermia.

Forgive me if this post includes some typos…I can’t quite control the violent shivering just yet.  And the power is still out, so I’ll post this when it comes back on.  If this never sees the light of day, you’ll be reading about my frozen carcass in the papers.    At least they say it’s warm in Hell…

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