Excerpt from Tonight’s Family Dinner Conversation

Move over Kennedys, we’ve got this educational family dinner thing down.  Let me show you how it’s done…
The Four-Year-Old (I swear with no action on my part to provoke this statement): “Mama, you’re stubborn.”
Me: “Excuse me? Where did that come from?” (As if he wasn’t speaking the gospel truth.)
Four-year-old: “I’m sorry, I made a mistake.”
Me: “Okay, I forgive you.”
Four-year-old: “What I meant was…Mama, you’re expensive.”
Me: “Wait…Wh-What?”
Four-year-old: “You are very expensive, Mama.”
Two-year-old (in a perfectly sinister tone): “Mwah-hah-hah-hah-haaaahhhh…”
Me: “Honey, I don’t think you understand the meaning of ‘expensive’.”  (Okay, so maybe he does. But that’s beside the point.)
Four-year-old: “Well, what does ‘expensive’ mean?”
Me: “It means something that costs a lot of money to buy.  And Mama’s not for sale.” (Listen to me and my confident self.)
Four-year-old: “They had Star Wars toys for sale at the store today…and they were really cool.”
Me: “Eat your supper, Sweetheart.”
We have precisely forty-eight seconds of quiet, peaceful dinnertime.  Then the four-year-old begins flicking his plate, so it repeatedly clatters on the table.
Me: “Stop doing that, please.  Eat your supper.”
Four-year-old: “But I like doing that.”
Me: “Yes, I’m sure that’s fun.  But do you understand why I asked you to stop?” (Listen to me, getting all philosophical with the four-year-old.)
Four-year-old: “Because it was bad manners?”
Me: “Exactly.”
Four-year-old: “And it was making loud noises and hurting your ears?”
Me: “Precisely.”
Four-year-old: “And it was destroying everyone?”
Two-year-old (even more maniacally than before): “Mwah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-haaaaaahhhhhh!”
Four-year-old: “Oh wait…I meant, it was disrupting everyone.”
Me: “That’s correct. Now eat your supper.”
Two-year-old: “Dis-ruff-ting.  Mwah-hah-hah-hah-haaaaaahhhhh……..”
And that, my friends, was tonight’s vocabulary lesson.  Tomorrow night, we tackle fluid dynamics (there’s a 98.7% chance someone will spill a drink…if not two.)
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